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Warning Signs and Safety Tips
| CHARACTERISTICS
AND BEHAVIORAL INDICATORS OF ADULTS WHO MOLEST CHILDREN |
| When most people imagine a child molester, they
picture some ugly, old man in a trench coat coaxing children to come to him in
exchange for some candy. They don’t picture Uncle Joe or Aunt Lorraine, the
neighbor next door, the friendly parishioner, another family member, or trusted
co-worker. They don’t think of mom or dad or in the case of single parents
their significant other. This misconception has been effectively dispelled
through information obtained in thousands of child sexual abuse investigations
over the years. Child molesters come from all walks of life and from all
socioeconomic groups. They can be male or female, rich or poor, employed or
unemployed, religious or non-religious or from any race. Children can be
molested by persons they don’t know, relatives, friends, or caregivers.
Both men and women molest children, although the
majority of those identified, and prosecuted for a sex offense, are men. Adults
who molest children can generally be divided into two groups, according to
their behaviors. A small percentage may suffer from a lifelong exclusive
attraction to children and have little or no emotional interest in adult
partners. The majority is not exclusively attracted to children, have adult
emotional relationships, and have not molested multiple child victims. The
widespread misconception that child molestation consists solely of children
being seized from the street and forcibly molested couldn’t be farther from the
truth. Although these incidents do occur, the vast majority of child molesters
are adults who seduce children through subtle intimidation and persuasion and
are known to the child.
The child molester who is not known by the victim may
use a variety of methods to gain access or gain the confidence of the victim.
He may use force, fear, bribery, or tricks. He may pretend or appear to be
friendly and trustworthy. Often he gains access to children in public places,
such as playgrounds, parks or shopping malls. Through the experience of law
enforcement investigators, treatment providers, and research, some common
behavioral indicators have been identified and are described below.
Behavioral Indicators of Men and Women Who Have
Molested Children
CAUTION: Some people who have molested or plan to
molest a child exhibit no observable behavior pattern that would be a clue to
their future actions.
Person who molest children:
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Are aware, in most cases, of their preference for
children before they reach age 18. Most offenders are adult males, but some
women also molest children.
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Are usually married. A small number never marry and
maintain a lifelong sexual and emotional interest in children.
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May relate better to children than adults and may
feel more comfortable with children and their interests.
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May have few close adult friends.
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Usually prefer children in a specific age group.
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Usually prefer one gender over the other; however,
some are bisexual in their preferences.
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May seek employment or volunteer opportunities with
programs involving children in the preferred victim age group for this type of
offender.
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Pursue children for sexual purposes and may feel
emotionally attached to the extent that emotional needs are met by engaging in
relationships with children. Example: An adult man spends time with neighbor
children or relatives and talks at length about his feelings for them or his
own feelings of loneliness or loss in order to get the child’s sympathy.
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Often photographs or collects photographs of their
victims, dressed, nude, or involved in sexual acts.
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May collect child erotica and child-adult pornography
which may be used in the following ways:
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To lower the inhibitions of the victims.
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To fantasize when no potential victim is
available.
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To relive past sexual activities.
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To justify their inappropriate sexual
activities.
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To blackmail victims to keep then from telling.
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May possess alcohol or narcotics and furnish them to
their victims to lower inhibitions to gain fear.
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Talk with children in ways that equalize their
relationship.
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May talk about children in the same manner as one
would talk about an adult lover or partner.
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May seek out organizations and publications that
support his sexual beliefs and practices.
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May offer to baby-sit or take children on trips in
order to manipulate situations to sleep with or near children or bathe or dress
them.
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May be seen at parks, playgrounds or places
frequented by children or teenagers.
Interfamilial Child Abuse
The incestuous or interfamilial molester is usually an
adult male (father, stepfather, grandfather or live-in boyfriend of the
mother); however, mothers or other female caregivers also sexually abuse
children. The molestation is usually secretive and is sometimes accomplished
through misuse of power, mental duress, bribes, tricks or misuse of parental
role under the guise of sex education and threats.
Common threats may include: That the child would be
removed from the family if they do not succumb to the offenders wishes; that
they would be blamed for hurting the family if the offender is arrested; that
their siblings would be sexually abused if the victim does not consent. Often
the offender will portray to act needy or emotionally distraught as a result of
marital problems, thereby needing the attention of the victim.
The molestation usually occurs over an extended period
of time, occasionally into the victim’s adulthood. Through intimidation, the
child is made to feel responsible for the molestation and for keeping the acts
secret. This secret is normally kept between the offender and the victim, or
within the immediate family.
There are many situations where a family with
children can be vulnerable, such as single parent families where the parent has
a full time job and is attempting to fulfill the role of both parents as well
as run the household or in situation where family conflicts leave a child
feeling alienated or abandoned. Some male offenders seek out mothers who are
single parents for the purpose of victimizing their children. In these cases,
he may have a genuine attraction to the mother and the hidden agenda of pursuit
of the children as victims.
Children from all types of families can be vulnerable
to child molestation. Any child whose need for attention or affection are not
being met can be particularly vulnerable. It is important to remember that
because adults have power over children; any child can be at risk.
Talking to Your Children
Because children get their power through secrecy the
single most effective means of protecting your child is communication with your
child. They have to feel comfortable discussing sensitive matters with you. If
they feel they can talk with you about their true feelings and that they will
not be “put down” for it, then they will be more likely to tell you when they
are put in an uncomfortable situation by a child molester. Also, children need
to know that there are many adults who can help if they have a problem. The
handout “Personal Safety for Children” and the National Center
for Missing and Exploited Children pamphlet “Child Protection”,
give you excellent examples of basic safety rules for children. For a list of
free child safety pamphlets, call the National Center for Missing and
Exploited Children, toll free 1-800-843-5678, or call your local
sexual assault program, victim services agency, or social services agency.

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| GENERAL
PERSONAL SAFETY OPTIONS
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Incidents of violence can occur anywhere at anytime. Trust your
gut feeling that something may be wrong. These are some guidelines that may
help reduce potential vulnerability. Remember though, whether you choose to use
the options or not, no one has the right to harm you.
AT HOME
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Be aware of your surroundings. Be familiar with who is coming
and going – who belongs and who doesn’t.
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Know your neighbors and learn who can be called for
assistance when needed.
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Women may be safer using only first initials and last names on
mailboxes and in phone directories.
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Change locks when you move into a new residence. Make sure
your doors have dead bolt locks, security chains and peepholes. Use them!
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Don’t hide spare keys outdoors.
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Check I.D’s when repair people, salespeople, meter readers,
etc. come to the door. Don’t hesitate to call and check them out or refuse them
admittance if something feels wrong.
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If you let someone in and are having second thoughts, be
assertive. Tell them to leave or leave yourself. Pretend you are not home alone
by mentioning a friend or family member asleep in the next room.
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Make sure entrances, garages, grounds, and hallways are well
lighted.
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Leave porch lights on at night or when you expect to return
after dark. Leave an interior light on in a room or two with the shades drawn.
Leave a radio on.
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Instruct children and babysitters not to give out information
about who is home, who is out or for how long.
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Don’t leave notes on your door for others or allow solicitor’s
material to remain on your doorknob since they advertise your absence.
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If you suspect your home has been broken into, don’t go in or
out – go someplace else and call the police.
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Always lock doors when doing yard work or otherwise spending
time in the yard. If you have a portable phone, take it outside with you.
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Be careful when using computer internet or on-line services.
Use caution in providing personal information. Being flooded with e-mail can be
annoying; having a chat room participant show up at your door uninvited can be
terrifying. Be careful allowing your child to use the internet.
IN YOUR CAR
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Keep car doors locked at all times, and windows rolled up all
the way.
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If you have car trouble, raise the hood and stay in your
vehicle. If someone offers assistance, roll the window down just enough to talk
to them. Ask them to stop at the first phone and call the police for you.
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Don’t stop to help a stranger in a stalled vehicle – go to a
safe place and report the stalled vehicle to the police.
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If someone tries to break into your car while you are in it,
honk the horn in short, repeated blasts and try to drive away.
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If you are being followed, don’t go home. Drive to the nearest
fire or police station or an open gas station – anyplace with people around.
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Try to keep your car maintained, and keep your gas tank at
least half full.
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Park as close to your destination as possible, and in
well-lighted areas whenever feasible.
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If security staff is available to walk you to your car, don’t
be embarrassed to use them.
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Check inside your car before getting in.
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If you leave keys with a parking attendant or at a service
station, leave only the car (not your house) key.
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Purchase/lease a cellular phone and keep it charged.
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Always have your keys ready to unlock the car door and enter
without delay. You will appear vulnerable if you are looking for your keys as
you approach your car.
ON THE STREET
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Stay on populated, well-lit streets. Avoid shrubbery, dark
areas near buildings and other places an attacker might hide. Avoid shortcuts
through alleys, vacant lots and other deserted places. When possible, avoid
walking or jogging alone – even during the day.
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Look around as you walk and be aware of your surroundings.
Make it difficult for anyone to take your by surprise. Walk confidently at a
steady pace.
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Avoid secluded and deserted areas and businesses (Laundromats,
phone booths, etc.).
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Carry something that can make a loud noise that can scare off
possible attackers.
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If using public transportation, sit near the driver.
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If you have gotten a ride in a cab or from a friend, ask the
driver to wait and watch until you are safely inside your destination.
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Be cautions about revealing cash or credit cards.
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Try to limit the number of items you carry.
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If you carry a handbag, hold it close to your body with
fastener closed and turned toward your body so a thief can’t grab it and cause
injury or knock you down. “Fanny-packs” keep your personal items close to your
while keeping your hands free.
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Don’t wear headphones. They block your ability to hear someone
approach you.
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Again, trust your instincts. Don’t hesitate to remove yourself
from the situation. Forget the rules of etiquette and social norms. Be willing
to make a scene if necessary. Most rapes are not committed by strangers, but by
men who know their victims. Your safety may depend on a quick and decisive
reaction.
ABOVE ALL, BE OBSERVANT AND AWARE OF YOUR
SURROUNDINGS AT ALL TIMES.

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| SAFETY TIPS FOR
CAREGIVERS TALKING WITH CHILDREN
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Every parent should know and follow the safety tips
offered below. Please take the time to read and share this information with
your children.
LISTEN TO CHILDREN
And believe what they are telling you.
TAKE RESPONSIBILITY
Know where your children are at all times. Be familiar with their friends and
daily activities.
BUILD SELF-ESTEEM
A child who has low self-esteem cannot protect
himself/herself. Listen carefully to your children’s fears, and be supportive
in all your discussions with them. Replacing fear with knowledge.
TEACH DECISION-MAKING
Children at all ages can make decision. Practice early with
little decision so big decisions later are easier. Teach them to trust their
own feelings, and assure them they have the right to say NO to what they sense
is wrong.
BUILD SUPPORT SYSTEMS
Children need positive adult role models and need to know
where to go for help.
CHOOSE SUBSTITUTE CAREGIVERS
CAREFULLY
Interview and monitor babysitters, group leaders, youth pastors, etc. Be alert
to a teenager or adult who is paying unusual amount of attention to your
children or giving them inappropriate or expensive gifts.
PROTECT KIDS WHO ARE HOME
ALONE
Set ground rules, emergency contacts, and responsibilities
for latchkey kids.
TALK WITH CHILDREN
Teach your children that no one should approach them or touch them in a way
that makes them feel uncomfortable. If someone does, they should tell their
parents immediately.
BE SENSITIVE
Watch for changes in a child’s behavior, they are signals that you should sit
down and talk to your children about what caused the changes.
USE ROLE-PLAYING
Rehearse safety situation with your child. Give them power
through knowledge. Play the WHAT IF? Game.
LET KIDS BE KIDS
Teach them what they need to be safe and let them know you
will do your best to protect them. Don’t scare the fun out of children.
This and other safety information is available to
yourself and others from the following organization. Please share these tips
with your family and friends.
NATIONAL CENTER FOR MISSING AND
EXPLOITED CHILDREN: 1-800-THE-LOST

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| SAFETY
TIPS FOR CHILDREN |
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As soon as a child is old enough to articulate a
sentence, he or she can begin the process of learning how to protect him or
herself against abduction and exploitation. Children should be taught all of
the following safety measures and tips.
WHO AM I AND WHERE I LIVE
Teach children about who they are including their full name, birth date,
complete address, phone numbers (including area code), and their caregivers
full names.
WHAT I DO IF I AM LOST
If you are in a public place and get lost, don’t wander
around. Go to a checkout counter, the security office, or the lost and found.
Tell the person in charge that you are lost.
CHECK FIRST
Always check with your parents, teacher, babysitter or
caregiver before getting into a car or going anywhere with any person. CHECK
FIRST before going into a neighbor’s house. CHECK FIRST before going anywhere.
Your caregivers need to know where you are.
USE THE BUDDY SYSTEM
It’s more fun and there is safety in numbers. You should not be wandering
around the neighborhood after dark or alone.
STAY AWAY
If someone follows you on foot or in a car, stay away from him or her. You
shouldn’t go near the car to talk to the people inside.
DON’T ASSIST ADULTS
No one should be asking you for directions or to look for a
lost puppy or to ask for assistance. Adults should ask adults, not children.
RUN, SCREAM, GET AWAY
If someone tries to take you away, your best
defense is your legs and your voice. Yell “I don’t know this person, and
they’re bothering me.” Try to run and scream before they get too close. Call
911 using any phone. It’s a free call; you don’t need any money.
NEVER HITCHHIKE
Hitchhiking may put you at risk for a dangerous situation.
DON’T KEEP SECRETS
Don’t keep secrets that make you feel uncomfortable. No one
should ask you to keep a special secret. Tell an adult you trust.
YOUR BODY IS SPECIAL AND
PRIVATE
No one should touch you in the part covered by your bathing suit, nor should
you touch anyone else in those areas.
KNOW THAT YOU ARE SPECIAL
If you have a problem – any kind of problem – you can talk to your parents, a
teacher, a counselor, principal, a police officer or a friend of the family.
YOU CAN CALL 911
If you have an emergency, or are in a situation where you feel you are in
danger, CALL 911. You can ask for help.
BE ALERT TO COMMON TRICKS
THE BRIBE OR OFFER TRICK
The victim is offered something he or she might want.
A young child might be offered candy, a toy, or gum; a teen might be offered
money, free food, a ride, or a trip to some place novel or exciting. Sometimes
a person will take a valued belonging and then offer to return it only if the
victim goes with the person, or allows sexual contact.
This and other safety information is available to
yourself and others from the following organization. Please share these tips
with your family and friends.
NATIONAL CENTER FOR MISSING AND
EXPLOITED CHILDREN: 1-800-THE-LOST

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| ACQUAINTANCE RAPE:
CAN I REDUCE MY RISK? |
| Sexual assault is any sexual activity that is forced.
Sexual assault is an act of control, aggression and anger. The force used
against you can be physical such as hitting, being held against your will, or
being threatened by a weapon. It also can emotional or psychological, such as
being pressured into sex through guilt, being given money or gifts in exchange
for sex, or being taken advantage of while you are under the influence of
alcohol or other drugs.
More than 85 percent of sexual assault victims are
assaulted by someone they know, such as a family member, friend, date,
acquaintance, or neighbor. Both men and women, boys and girls can be victims of
sexual assault.
Most sexual assaults are planned in advance with the
offender seeking an opportunity to find someone who may be vulnerable to
his/her tactics. Offenders seek victims who they believe are easy targets.
There is no guaranteed way to prevent sexual assault, but we can identify tips
for decreasing our vulnerability to offenders. The following are some
suggestions to deter a sex offender.
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Be careful of your use of alcohol and drugs.
Vulnerability increases when one is intoxicated or high.
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Know your sexual intentions and limits. You have
the right to say “no” to any unwanted sexual contact.
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Communicate your limits firmly and directly. You
have the right to expect your limits to be respected.
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Listen to your feelings. If you feel uncomfortable
or think you may be at risk, leave the situation immediately and go to a safe
place.
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Don’t be afraid to “make waves” if you feel
threatened. If you are being pressured or coerced into sexual activity against
your will don’t hesitate to state your feelings and get out of the situation.
Better a few minutes of social awkwardness or embarrassment then the trauma of
a sexual assault.
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Attend large parties with friends you can trust.
Agree to “look out” for one another. Try to leave with a group rather than
alone or with someone you don’t know very well.
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When starting to date a new acquaintance have the
first few dates in a public place. Avoid becoming isolated with someone you
don’t know very well.
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For the first several dates, insist on paying your
own way or taking turns with “treating”. Sometimes offenders use the “you owe
me” line to try to guilt someone into sex.
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As a relationship may progress, avoid becoming
physically, emotionally or socially isolated from friends and family. Assaults
within on going relationships do happen.
Even if we take many precautions or steps to make
ourselves less vulnerable, there is no guarantee that we can prevent a sexual
assault, remember:
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Sexual assault is never the victims fault.
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Victims do not cause their assaults.
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Offenders are responsible for their actions.
If you or someone you know is a victim of a sexual
assault, there are people and programs that can help. For information
about the sexual assault program in your area call 1-800-775-8013.

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